Unspoken Rewritten

if words could fall

I would let them sink

furrow into the ground beneath

and then grow

along the

tops

of trees and sprawl through the veins

of our mother’s open arms

breathless is the lost unspoken word

that the wind carries

the ghosts of missed

and broken

opportunities

exhaled into vapor

what you feel but do not see unless

you use your fingertips as your eyes

feel the words that leave your right brain

and notice their density as molecules swarming

through the open air and not ever quite as small

as you thought they were when your arms

refused to notice the shape

of the  sounds around you.

 

April 4, 2016

  
“I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I cannot transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn’t impress me, I only believe in intoxocation, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape one way or another. No more walls.” 

– Anaïs Nin

Just Me, Myself, and I… and I Liked It!

Ahhh… The simple life.

Not many people think of being alone as a good thing; however, there are many things that can be learned while being with just you and yourself. For me, I always enjoyed being surrounded by people. I often felt anxious when alone and craved interactions quite often.

Over the past few months I decided to take some time to get to know me, which sounds weird but was something I’ve noticed I lacked, self-awareness and understanding. I ended up finding enjoyment in going shopping by myself, where I noticed I had a bit of a different style and appreciation for certain clothing since I wasn’t being pressured by other people to buy certain items. I went for walks around local parks and was able to notice the beauty around me and how pleased and relax I felt from these kinds of experiences (it was literally a breath of fresh air).

I still get a bit of anxiety when go certain places by myself, especially if it’s somewhere I’ve never been before, but am feeling so much more confident in myself.

From allowing myself some alone time every week, my mindset has changed. I feel happier with myself, I learned new interests, and found places that keep me relaxed and clear my head. Who knew we may not actually know ourselves while being constantly surrounded by friendly faces? It was a very odd, yet amazing, experience and I definitely found this to be a rewarding one that everyone should try.

For My Future Daughter

My Future Daughter,

I wanted to write this to you, as a college student preparing for the “real world,” because I’ve recently realized, and appreciated, my own growth from a teen to a young adult. This may seem odd or cliché; however, the struggles of growing up is something every child will go through, and I know, as your mother you may not believe me, but yes, I was young once.

Growing up you will run into obstacles that you will feel no one will understand, and that may be true, but please know, although you call me Mom, I care and love you, and will always be open to hear what you have to say. Teen years are tough, trust me I know. Bullies, endless school work, ever changing emotions, a lack of personal knowledge, and the swift changes in friendships, will make you feel lost, but I will always be someone standing right next to you through it all, with an open heart and an open mind. 

Relationships change and so do personalities. Someone you trust may redirect their path somewhere that seems brighter, you may as well, but don’t lose sight of who you are and where you wish to end up. Your dreams are more important than what’s popular or “cool,” you hold more power and strength than you think, so never give in. All the tears you will cry at night from a comment some classmate made about your style, voice, hair (sorry, it will probably be frizzy), size, or any other nitpicky aspect teens like to tear apart about each other, may tear you down, but you will forever be beautiful and full of talent and worth, remember that. 

Just like trees grow and become stronger, so will you. Your roots will become grounded, head looking beyond the tragedies below, and armor, strong and through experience. Let the sun glow upon your face with your feet brushing against the cool ground, keeping you connected with the earth and what is important in life.

I promise to keep you safe and constantly loved, even when you don’t notice it. Through the struggles of growing up, I will rise you higher. From changes of emotions and growth, I will keep you grounded. 

Keep these words in your mind as you begin to move forward in your beautiful life. Find happiness in all that’s around you, peace among the madness, and joy in everyday experiences. This life is made for you, take it by the wings and fly.

Sincerely,

Your Mother