Find Myself? But, I’m Right Here.

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself in your way of thinking.” -Marcus Aurelius

“Life isn’t about finding yourself, Life is about creating yourself.” -George Bernard Shaw

I feel like I have finally reached a point of being tired of my own gloominess. Being the girl with a happy face and a tired mind is starting to become boring and far too familiar. IT’S TIME TO TURN THE PAGE!! (finally)

And now I am at that point of figuring out just how I plan on turning myself around. After scrolling through a random list of quotes I searched online, the two I added to the top of this post are what struck me and kickstarted my desire of a mental transition. In my life I have been working so hard at trying to find who I am, who I am supposed to be, and where I’m supposed to be headed, meanwhile I have the power to shape my life in any form I desire; I am drawing within figurative lines while preaching that those lines are meant to be crossed.

This morning while getting dressed I looked into my closet and realized how much stuff I have. Shoes of all different kinds while I tend to wear only Vans, shirts that I have not worn in years, and pants that don’t even fit me. How can someone have so much stuff and yet take an hour to get ready every morning? THIS is where I will start.

One thing I have recognized is that I fill my emotional void with stuff, lots of stuff, mainly clothing. If I could compress my closet down to half of its size I imagine it would release a new feeling of satisfaction of ripping of a bandaid that I used to cover up a cut that is ready to breathe! (a strange analogy, I know).

The clothing I have is far from an indicator of my personal self, and in fact I feel like my clothing is a nowhere close to being a representation of me. In many cases I buy pieces of clothing without trying them on, and when I put it on infront of my unforgiving full length mirror, they either don’t fit, look terrible, have a hidden tear that I hadn’t noticed, or I simply just don’t like it. These pieces have cluttered my closet and have given me a false satisfaction that, as I go back to that strange analogy, has covered a wound that needed something besides a band aid to help it heal.

What I do after cleaning my closets and drawers is still up in the air, maybe I should create a list. A “Ten Steps to Getting Your Sh*t Together” list. Hmmmm….. I’ll think about that one, but all in all, my goal is to finally let myself breathe and move forward.

Let the fun begin… Is it too early to start drinking?

2 thoughts on “Find Myself? But, I’m Right Here.

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