Hello fellow bloggers and happy Sunday!
Maybe it’s because it’s Sunday, or maybe it’s because it’s the first time in awhile it’s been somewhat warm here in Baltimore that encouraged me to look back on how far I’ve grown since I began this journey. Whatever the reason is, I’ve decided to write this blog post to share with you all about my experience thus far.
Like most college students, I am consumed by the tremendous amount of work that I am required to complete to show my worthiness of being a working citizen after I spend thousands of dollars to receive a degree. I mean, I like writing about the millions of Sherlock Holmes adaptations as the next person (like, I actually really enjoyed that assignment) so hopefully that will propel me full speed ahead to an awesome career once I graduate.
Also like many college students, when all the work for the day has been completed I instantly shlumped into the couch and became one with the cushions with a bag of cinnamon apple chips laying on my chest while I watch The Big Bang Theory marathon that seems to be a never ending thing in the tv world. Whenever I was not busy with piles of homework I became the laziest human being. The pile of unread books in my bedroom started collecting dust and never decreased in size, my laptop was only opened to complete assignments or to watch Netflix, and my creativity was completely blocked off as I reached for the remote instead of a pen.
I became a ghost of myself, moving through life without any color oozing from my hands or mind as it once had, and as I wished it would.
I started this blogging adventure last summer (very slowly at first) and I’ll be honest, my posts were boring and didn’t represent me in any way. I was told by a neighbor that I should start a blog to work on my writing skills and to get my feet wet in various topics. So I did.
I was so enthralled by the idea of being a blogger that I seemed to write on autopilot and didn’t tap into what I found interesting, instead I only focused on what I felt was meant to be discussed. Yes, some of my earlier posts were not so terrible, however, they felt meaningless among all the other topics I have nestled inside me.
After some time I began putting more time into my posts and writing about what I love instead of what some might expect. I began to lighten up and shook off the molds I’ve grown accustomed to, and let me tell you, it felt AMAZING!!
My parents may have lost a few years from reading a few of my posts where I cuss or talk about eccentric topics they had no clue blew through my mind, sorry mom and dad (they don’t read my blog anymore), but at least now I have some kind of mental release.
From devoting myself to the world of blogging, I learned that I am an introverted person. I hold so many emotions in my body and never release them to anyone because I feel like they shouldn’t have to worry about my problems when they have plenty of their own. This blog has become my therapist, to say the least. Although I try my best not to rant, the poetry I post speaks high volumes of my inner conscience. It’s amazing how a simple 16 line poem can speak years of mental breakdowns and sleepless nights.
I’ve learned that I do have an opinion and the power to voice my opinion. Many times I hid behind the words of other people who are louder than me, using them as a shield so I didn’t have to speak or be judged. This has been one of the largest mountains I’ve had to climb throughout my life. I know I had an opinion, everyone does, I just never spoke up when I had the opportunity. Our opinions are all worthy of being heard, even when we are the outcast, speak up and let yourself standout.
I’ve learned that there is always room for growth and my writing will only improve as I continue down this road. Every writer has anxiety about not being liked, something that will inevitably happen but is no reason for us to stop writing. I am never going to stop writing. The likes or shares or comments we get on our posts are no indication of how we are as humans or even as writers. I’ve dealt with the constant anxiety of being considered a poor writer, and maybe I am, but I won’t be forever. I will improve and I will continue to write despite still being indecisive where a comma should go or what words I should take out.
This has been such a positive experience for me and I am so glad I decided down this path. My confidence has grown and so have my writing skills. I’m not a perfect writer, I know that, but that is not what I am working towards because I know if I do I’ll just be let down when I see the road is never ending and with no clear destination. I’m just going to keep on moving and will never stop. The view is too spectacular to turn around and to head backwards.