A Bully and the Bullied.

In a  few previous posts I talked about my experiences with a few different forms of bullying. Being someone who didn’t exactly fit into the mold of the average female girl in middle and high school, I ended up facing many issues with making friends, being accepted by my peers, and dealt with constant behind the back rude comments in relation to my size, complexion, grades, and lack of social skills. It was a hard few years where I ended up losing friends and being known as the girl who couldn’t read and would receive terrible grades. As one can imagine or has experienced themselves, being on that end of bullying is something that can change you forever. The people who hurt me so much in school may become coworkers or acquaintances down the road, but the fact that they given me so much anxiety is something that i will never be able to erase.

Yesterday my family decided to go visit my grandmother who is spending some time in an assisted living home after a health scare. My dad has been more than proud to flaunt the fact that his daughter has started a blog–even though I’d rather my family not read it because…. well…. you know… awkward–and began reading my NEW New Year’s Resolution post… you know the one where I talk about falling off the working out bandwagon and end up back in a relationship with pizza and vodka… yeah not something my grandma needs to know about.

But anywho, my grandmother got a kick out of my blog and began requesting posts that she saw would fit. The topic she kept referring back to was on bullying, a topic that sparked my interest. Turns out the little old lady who gets more kisses from her six children, eleven grandchildren, and new great grandchild than any woman I know, was once the bullier in school.

Maybe with age comes a sense of guilt from your past decisions, maybe she just thought I could make a good post on this topic, or maybe she is tired of hearing about the increase in bullying in schools and wants to tell her side of the story.

Whatever her reason was that she decided to share insight on such a topic, I was confused and honestly surprised. How is the woman who bakes me three bags of chocolate chip cookies before every semester a bully?

As she stated, she teased her fellow classmates because it was a way for her to show her superiority. She had a desire to be part of the popular crowd and lowered her morals in order to achieve that title.

It’s pretty much the oldest saying in the bullying books–‘the bullies only bully in order to make themselves feel better.’ I’ve heard that saying so many times in middle and high school that I thought of it as cliche and annoying. It wasn’t until after hearing my grandmother’s story did I actually feel that that phrase was true.

It was hard to wrap my head around the idea that someone I was related to was on the other end of the middle and high school torture that I’ve experienced–nor the fact that this woman is the kindest person I know. And if this has proved anything to me it’s that everyone has the ability to change. The phrase ‘once a bully, always a bully’ actually may be busted because we will all have time to reflect on our past and when we get older, if we start having kids and grandkids, it will come and hit us full speed ahead how terrible and life changing bullying really is.

There’s no way to downgrade any form of bullying, be it cyber, physical, or mental, bullying is bullying and it needs to stop. Yes schools have taken a huge step in the right direction to end or at least prevent many forms of bullying, but I know there is more to be done.

This topic isn’t really something that is addressed in highschool because ‘you’re old enough to handle things yourself’ and ‘nothing should be taken too seriously.’ Even with that being said, bullying is still a huge problem that can and has put people in a deep dark place where they feel completely alone and worthless. It shouldn’t have to take some horrible incident for bullying to become a worthy topic in schools. It’s important for administrators and students to be proactive and think ahead in order to prevent any of these instances from happening in the first place.

If grandma Judy thinks it’s time for a change in schools then gosh-darn-it it’s time for a change. I hope this post was as interesting for you as it was for me. Let me know what you think in the comments below!

 

The Whole College Thing

I’m super happy and relieved to say that I have recently finished my first semester of my junior year of college!! After starting my first two years at a local community college where I commuted only about ten minutes each day, starting at a new school in my own apartment, dealing with three weird and fabulous roommates, and being left to my own devices after breaking up a four year relationship, I’d say I handled everything rather well.

It was definitely a rocky year with moving to the city and struggling to find friends (considering I’m an introvert and someone who is super awkward when it comes to social interactions) but I managed to stay afloat even with my canoe weighted down with five classes.

I find it pretty humorous to think back to when I was in High School where I was a straight “C” student and someone who made it my mission to be the biggest pain in the ass as possible to show how ‘stupid school really was.’

And then there’s me now, someone who spends more time studying for a simple quiz than the average student, just to endure that I will get a one hundred percent every time, instead of going to parties in the apartments down the hall.

I still deal with many issues in college that I had to face in High School–being dyslexic, having anxiety, and putting too much on my plate at once–but I began understanding how to deal with these issues and how to make them less of a nuisance.

It is still embarrassing for me when a professor decided to have the students go around the room and read a passage from a science journal aloud, and everyone has to sit while I struggle to put words in the proper order and pronounce each one correctly, but I’m beginning to come to terms with my issues and accepting them.

I still get hit by a huge wave of anxiety as the class begins reading aloud and sounding as if they were the ones who wrote the confusing and never ending articles, and I will quickly jump ahead to where I might have to read and trying to put everything in order in my head and making sense of what I’m actually reading (that I’m sure will never go away). But at least now I know that my fellow classmates aren’t there to judge me and my poor reading skills. They’re all there for themselves and could care less about what the weird girl in the back with the giant thermos of coffee and the frizzy hair is doing.

What really helped me get through this semester was the help of my professors. I’m sure all colleges have a few professors who go above and beyond for their students, but coming from the community college that I did, I never experienced all my professors being there right beside me throughout the entire semester.

I made a point to introduce myself to each of my professors in the beginning of the year so they knew I was and could see that I was ready to work hard and that I take my studies seriously (unlike in High School). They really appreciated my introduction and instantly knew my name before anyone else in the class, which some may see as a bad thing since they would constantly call on me for my insight, but it kept me engaged.

I definitely feel that I’ve left a huge impression on some of my professors, especially in Philosophy where my professor and I would constantly get into heated arguments on random topics such as animal rights and feminism. Apparently I have a bit of an anger problem and would quickly put my poor professor and fellow students in their place with my many random and interesting facts I learned from the many articles I read online. Luckily my professor liked my enthusiasm and was only provoking my responses because he knew I would always be someone who would jump into conversation if he worded situations in a certain way or would give the unexpected response. My fellow classmates, however, would come up to me after class and ask if I was ok because they sensed me getting angry in class… oops.

But no harm was done through the semester. My head didn’t explode when dealing with controversial topics in philosophy where my professor purposefully pushed my buttons, and I managed to keep my sanity even when buried neck deep in assignments, essays, case studies, and the occasional short story. It was a successful semester and now I get ready for the next one where I try to juggle a job in the mix of things.

Will keep you posted 🙂

Have a great New Year’s everybody!

 

Cover Image: http://2012books.lardbucket.org/books/success-in-college/s09-02-studying-to-learn-not-just-for.html

 

NEW New Year’s Resolution

It’s “the most wonderful time of the year” and about that time to start listing our expectations for the next year that we will tell ourselves we can do then one week later completely blow off and get right back on that pizza and vodka bandwagon.

I know for a fact that I am the type of person that will get so pumped to start eating right and to forgo the french fries at Chick-fil-a but end up eating one brownie and think to myself “well shit, there goes this year’s resolution.”

So instead of creating  expectations for myself for the upcoming year that will be hard for me to keep, I decided I’m going to work on myself in a different way–mentally.

How many times have you given yourself a hard time over the smallest mistakes? How many times have you been so upset with yourself after you messed up a recipe, forgot to turn in an assignment, woke up late for work, stained your favorite shirt, or ate something that you’ve been telling yourself to stay away from? All of this anger that you feel towards yourself in unneeded and harmful to your state of mind and needs to change in order for ourselves to truly be healthy.

No one is perfect (how many times have we heard that) and yet we strive to reach that unrealistic expectation everyday.

I know that my negative self talk has created many issues in my life that no one should have to deal with. My anxiety has increased and I hold myself back on so many opportunities because I constantly worry about how people will see me and all the possible ways I could ultimately screw this up.

So this year I’m creating a different kind of resolution, a mental health one! Because let’s be real, for any other health benefits to happen we have to start with our brains.

So continue to buy those Lululemon yoga pants and Under Armour running shoes, but make your main focus how you feel on the inside. Pay attention to you this year and make yourself more of a priority. Take some time to yourself every week and do something that would make YOU happy!

Something I’ve come to appreciate is writing in a journal. You’ll learn so much about yourself if you take the time to dig deep in your mind to reveal your true feelings about the events of that day.  Set aside time to read, relax, reflect, and rejuvenate. You deserve to enjoy this new year so start by loving and appreciating you!

 

Happy Holidays everyone!!

SAY WHAT?!

This is a super random post but I felt it was important for my fellow coffee addicts.

So today I was told I drink too much coffee… SAY WHAT?!

If I want a large cafe latte with two extra shots of espresso I will do so! And if I want it every hour, you can’t stop me! Who cares if I end up babbling and looking like a weirdo because I can’t sit still in my chair for more than a few seconds, or that my right leg is bouncing uncontrollably under the wooden table and the banging is giving you a headache. Get over it!!

I will protest your absurd comment that there could even remotely be “too much coffee.” There is never too much coffee!!!

coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee **sips second cup of coffee in the past hour**

They say I need to drink more tea because it’s better for me… NO… Tea is a bedtime drink when I had a sh*tty day at work and need to sip my feelings away on a floral beverage with a teaspoon of honey there to sweeten my sour soul. Psh.. Tea is for quitters, coffee is for the adventurous people who have too many ex best friends to stalk on Facebook and laughing baby videos to watch on youtube. Who needs to sleep like a sound baby after slurping camomile tea when you can stay awake and climb trees at three AM?? Not this girl…

 

 

For the record I do actually enjoy drinking tea…